Notice Change of This Blog's Title

It's "marriages," not "marriage"!

This Blog started out as "Legal Marriage for Same Sex Adults." I have changed that title, and here's why...

When people get away with saying (and getting us to say) "gay marriage," we have lost half of the debate. Even saying "marriage" counts for a loss in the national discourse. The reason is that the opponents of marriage equality do best when they are able to treat the issue abstractly.

When the discussion is about "the institution of marriage," or even just the concept of "marriage," the focus of attention is not on real people. Not one marriage is an institution, not one is completely "typical" of the stereotype they present.

Each marriage concerns two individuals who are marrying one another. Their legal relationship puts them, vis-a-vis each other, first among all others on the planet in intimacy, decision-making powers, and privacy. Even in custom, we do not peek into the marital chamber after the wedding, respecting the sexual privacy of the couple -- except when the couple is same-sex, the opposition wants the non-homosexual population to be engaged in its "ick" reaction to sexual behavior it does not understand or embrace personally.

We are not talking about "marriage," you leaders of the LGBT community and the marriage equality movement! We are talking about "marriages," one at a time, one by one, couple by couple, each one a unique adult relationship, not a stereotype, not an institution, not a concept. "Marriages" occur in real life. There is no such thing as "marriage" except an abstraction.

Join me in saying this, whenever referring to the subject: "legal marriages for same-sex couples." "Marriage equality" is more vague, but it also works. Another phrase that works is "the freedom to choose one's own next of kin through entering into a marriage."

--Roger Winters, Seattle, Washington